Dear Single Christian Woman: Let’s Talk “Type” and True Substance

So, let’s be honest for a second. Most of us ladies have had a “type.” Maybe it was the cute guy in middle school with the fresh sneakers, or the tall one who looked a little too tough for his own good. (Don’t act like you don’t know what I mean!)

I’ve been there.

• Middle school: if he was cute and dressed well, I was interested.

• High school: add money, a car, or some “substance.”

• Early adulthood: he had to look good and have money. Period.

And honestly, the older I got, the easier that was to find guys with money and flashy things were all around. But here’s the truth: finances weren’t enough.

When I began to grow deeper in my walk with the Lord, I realized I needed more than good looks and good cars; I needed a man of God.

Yes, I did stumble. I had one serious relationship before marriage, and I gave away something I had protected my whole life. It broke me. But after that, I lived celibate for 13 years. My future husband had been celibate for 8 years. And when I met him? Let’s just say, he wasn’t my “type” at first. No flashy cars, no over-the-top swag. Just a real "island boy", laid-back, humble, and patient.

But the more I knew him, the more I saw the fruit of the Spirit—gentleness, kindness, faithfulness, integrity, and most importantly, a real fear and love of God. That’s when I realized: this is true beauty.

Today, I’m learning every day what real love is because love looks like Jesus, not like Instagram reels.

My Husband, My Island Love, In His Element. 🌴🤎

The Reality Check Game ✓

Alright ladies, let’s make this fun! Play this little quiz below to reflect on what you want in a man and whether it lines up with reality—and more importantly, God’s Word.

Step 1. Choose your “ideal man” in each category:

1. Career

   • A. Doctor / Lawyer

   • B. Rapper / Athlete

   • C. Blue-collar worker (plumber, electrician, mechanic)

   • D. Pastor / Teacher / Ministry leader

2. Finances

   • A. Multi-millionaire

   • B. Solid middle class, stable job

   • C. Hustling with potential but not there yet

   • D. Doesn’t matter as long as he honors God and works hard

3. Appearance

   • A. Pretty boy - fresh haircuts, latest clothes

   • B. Street tough - tattoos, muscles, “don’t mess with me” vibe

   • C. Casual, natural, confident in his own skin (doesn’t need to impress with labels)

   • D. Doesn’t matter if he’s fine, as long as his heart shines

Step 2. Your Results!

• Mostly A’s: You like the glamorous type. Nothing wrong with attraction, but be careful, sometimes image and money can’t sustain a marriage. Ask yourself: Would he lead you spiritually?

• Mostly B’s: You’re drawn to intensity. Exciting, yes but stability? Not always. Ask yourself: Would he sacrifice pride to love you like Christ loves the church?

• Mostly C’s: You like realness and hard work. This can be solid but remember, money isn’t everything. Character matters more than potential.

• Mostly D’s: You’re focused on God above all. Keep it up! Just check your heart: are you open to someone who doesn’t fit your “visual” type but has kingdom character?

Important Note: Sometimes, you may find a man who has a combination of qualities from all these categories. That would feel “ideal,” right? But the truth is, it’s not always realistic. Just like we as women aren’t everything wrapped into one perfect package, men aren’t either. That’s why we have to pause and decide: What do I value most?

Reality Check: Sometimes it’s not that your standards are too high, it’s that they’re aimed in the wrong direction. Instead of asking: Does he look how I want? Ask: Does he live how God wants?

The Beauty of Attraction and Hard Work

Now, don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being attracted to someone! In fact, it’s important that you’re drawn to your husband. God designed us that way. You want to love his heart, but you should also like what you see. Attraction matters. But hear this too: attraction alone is not enough. We don’t want a man who is lazy. We don’t have to compromise looks for character or character for looks; both can exist together. A good man works hard and loves hard. At the same time, we must be wise. Yes, be patient with a man as he grows, because we are growing too. But don’t attach your future to “potential” alone. Look for evidence: is he putting his hand to the plow? Is he faithful in small things? A man may not have everything yet, but if you see him working diligently, you know he’ll get there. Don’t let smooth words convince you of more than what’s real. Be sober, levelheaded, and discerning. You don’t have to let everyone in but don’t focus your attention in the wrong direction either.

A Word of Encouragement

Sis, the Bible says:

“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” — Matthew 6:33

If you seek Him first, He’ll send the right one. Not just any man, but a man of God who will cherish your soul and push you closer to Christ.

Challenge for the Week ✨

• Write out the top 5 qualities you’ve been looking for in men.

• Then, cross out anything that’s just about looks or money.

• Replace it with fruit of the Spirit qualities (Galatians 5:22–23).

And remember: Don’t settle for less than God’s best. Love isn’t about the flash, the status, or the car keys. It’s about a man who will walk with you through valleys, point you back to Jesus, and love you with integrity.