Girl, Stop Waiting to Be “Chosen” 😒

There’s a question floating around in modern conversations that I am not too fond of: “Who is the prize, men or women?” Many men today boldly declare, “We are the prize.” But I am a biblical woman, and I immediately return to scripture:

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” – Proverbs 18:22

The Word already answers it. A wife is a good thing, and her presence brings favor from the Lord. That is not small. That is not light. That is not optional. That is divine confirmation that women are indeed the blessing in marriage.

But here’s where I need to get very direct with my sisters: too many women are still living with a “waiting to be chosen” mindset. You’ve convinced yourself that a man has the final say over your destiny. You’ve allowed yourself to sit in relationships where you’re hanging on for years hoping he “decides” to marry you.

Sister, that is not only sad, it’s dangerous to your dignity.

You Also Choose

Marriage is not a man’s one-way choice. It is a covenant between two people. A woman has every right to choose her husband just as a man has the right to choose his wife.

When a woman says things like, “I’m just waiting to see if he chooses to marry me,” she has already surrendered her God-given authority. Why would you put your entire life and future in the hands of someone else’s indecision?

You have standards. You have wisdom. You have discernment. And most importantly, you have a God who has already chosen you. In that, you must know that you are valuable. Scripture says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” So if you are a wife, you are already a very, very valuable prize.

Pearls Before Swine

Jesus warns in Matthew 7:6:

“Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.”

A pearl represents something rare, precious, and costly. Women, that is you. Your heart, your time, your body, your spirit; they are pearls. When you try to love, invest in, or attach yourself to a man who does not value you, it is like tossing pearls to pigs. He won’t recognize the worth. He can’t handle the weight. He will trample over what is valuable because he doesn’t see it for what it is.

Do not place your holy, God-given value in the hands of someone who is blind to it. A man who doesn’t know your worth will treat you like common dirt. That is why standards and discernment are not optional, they are protection.

Standards Are Not Optional

I’ll be transparent. I chose to be single for 13 years before meeting my husband. That doesn’t mean I didn’t talk to men, it means I was crystal clear on my standards. And that clarity kept me from ever wasting time, or letting anyone waste mine.

My standards weren’t suggestions. They were the foundation of my vetting process, and because I held them firmly, it made things ultra easy. I could quickly recognize who wasn’t a serious candidate, cut it off, and keep it moving. I didn’t believe in stringing anyone along, and I wasn’t about to let anyone string me along either. I was direct, honest, and upfront. I didn’t beat around the bush. I said what I meant, and I meant what I said.

Here’s how I approached it:

• Faith First. If a man didn’t serve the Lord, it was an immediate no. No debating, no compromising, no “seeing where it goes.” The Bible is clear: “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14). My life is rooted in Christ, and I would not attach myself to someone who couldn’t walk that road with me.

• Boundaries Respected. From day one, I was upfront: I don’t sleep around. I’m saving myself for marriage. I had no shame in saying that. If a man agreed, fine. If he didn’t, also fine. I wasn’t changing my boundaries for anyone. That standard alone revealed intentions quickly; those who only wanted physical access had no room to linger.

• Character Examined. I watched closely, observing how he treated others. Was he kind or cruel? Did his actions align with his words? Did he value me in how he spoke and acted, or did he try to test my worth? I asked direct questions about marriage and paid attention to whether he lived like a man of integrity. If the answers didn’t line up, I ended things immediately.

• Time Limit Enforced. For me personally, I had a one-year standard. I refused to date a man longer than that without a proposal. Let me be clear: this wasn’t because I was desperate or rushing. In fact, I never let a relationship even stretch that long. But the mindset behind this standard mattered. I knew it didn’t take a man forever to know whether he wanted to build a life with me. A year was more than enough for discernment, and if he couldn’t decide, that showed me everything I needed to know.

  
  

Now, I’m not saying every woman has to follow the same exact one-year rule. But every woman should have some kind of timeframe, boundary, or non-negotiable. Without it, you leave yourself open to indefinite cycles of waiting and uncertainty. Standards force clarity, for you and for him.

Why This Matters

Standards are not chains, and they’re not about controlling anyone. They are about wisdom, clarity, and respect. I didn’t want to waste anyone’s time, and I didn’t allow anyone to waste mine. By being upfront and direct, I gave every man the option to either rise to the standard or walk away. Either way, there was no confusion.

When you set standards and live by them, you create a filter that only lets the right candidates through. And that is how you protect your dignity, your time, and your future.

Scarcity Mindset Is Keeping You Bound

Too many women stay in dead-end relationships because of scarcity mindset. You’re afraid that if you let him go, no one better will come.

But here’s the truth: scarcity mindset makes you cling to men who will waste your good years, only to leave you and marry someone else within months. Don’t be that woman who gave 8 years to a boyfriend and then watches him marry someone else in less than one.

Your dignity is worth more than that.

Thinking Points for Women

1. Do I believe that I am a blessing according to God’s Word or am I secretly waiting for a man to confirm it for me?

2. Have I set clear, non-negotiable standards for relationships?

3. Am I wasting my years in a relationship where the man has made no clear intentions?

4. Do I truly believe I have the right to choose, not just wait to be chosen?

🕊️ The Pearl Test: Are You Protecting Your Pearls or Casting Them Away?

Answer honestly. Each “Yes” or “No” will reveal where you are in valuing yourself and guarding what is precious.

1. Faith Check

• Do you hold firm to only dating men who serve the Lord, or have you compromised simply for companionship?📖 “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.” – 2 Corinthians 6:14

  
  

2. Boundaries Check

• Do you clearly communicate your boundaries up front (purity, respect, commitment), or do you allow men to discover them gradually and risk them being ignored?📖 “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality.” – 1 Thessalonians 4:3

  
  

3. Character Check

• Do you carefully observe how a man treats others such as family, friends, strangers, even those he disagrees with or do you overlook red flags because of how he treats you personally?📖 “You will recognize them by their fruits.” – Matthew 7:16

  
  

4. Time Check

• Do you maintain a clear timeframe or standard for how long you will allow dating before engagement, or are you comfortable with “forever dating” that lacks direction?📖 “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” – Psalm 90:12

  
  

💡 Important Note: Having serious conversations and setting deadlines is wise and necessary. However, if you are unwilling to walk away when that boundary is not honored, the standard loses its meaning. A man who sees that you do not enforce your boundaries will not take them seriously, and the relationship will inevitably go in circles.

5. Worth Check

• Do you fully believe you are a pearl that is rare, precious, and chosen by God or do you feel a man must confirm your worth before you believe it?📖 “She is far more precious than jewels.” – Proverbs 31:10

  
  

🌸 Scoring Yourself

• Mostly “Yes”: You are protecting your pearls. You walk in dignity like Ruth; discerning, principled, and unafraid to let the wrong ones pass you by.

• Mostly “No”: You are at risk of casting pearls before swine. You may be entrusting your value to men who cannot recognize or honor it.

Final Word

Women, hear me: you are the prize. Not because of feminism. Not because of modern culture. But because the Word of God says so. Stop lowering yourself, stop waiting to be chosen, and start walking in the authority God already gave you.

Marriage is a covenant of two willing hearts. If you are a wife, you are a good thing. And when he finds you, he finds favor.

Walk in that truth, guard your pearls, and never again hand your destiny over to indecision.